


Living a lie

by StoriesAboutUs



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Divorce AU, F/F, a little bit of monhell but just a smudge, they're in other relationships but they're endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-15 02:06:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19285909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoriesAboutUs/pseuds/StoriesAboutUs
Summary: "You're still as beautiful as ever." Lena replies, like that was the answer Kara was hoping for, when she blushes Lena thinks it was. "I love your hair like this, curly." Lena makes it a point to play with a strand of hair."No-""I love you.""What?""I'm still so in love with you, that it feels like I'm living a lie now."Kara doesn't know what to say, so she says nothing.OrA Divorce AU





	Living a lie

“What are you doing here?” Kara regards her ex-wife. She looks good, she always has. And even if the thought is a fleeting one Kara thinks the divorce, the distance, the fight, the fallout did nothing on Lena while it did a bit number on her. She lost so much weight, her muscles have turned soft, her hair is not that shiny and the bags under her eyes betray her state of mind and body.

She's so fucking tired all the time.

Tired of missing her, tired of pretending everything is fine, just tired of losing.

“I was about to ask you the same thing…” Lena trails off because she doesn't know what to say or how to act. Out of the two of them Lena was always the one who had a plan, while Kara’s just living one day at a time, surfing through the day like nothing is wrong, like she didn't lose a part of herself, a part of her soul. And Lena, Lena looks good and even though she doesn't know what they're doing there specifically she looks like the put together woman she met all those years back. A woman with a purpose, with intent, with a vision that doesn't include her anymore and instead is building up a future with someone else.

"Liam told me to come here." Lena shows her the text on her phone. Kara's face hardens when she sees the new background. It’s black and replacing what was them together. And it's not only that, a new message pops in the upper side. Imra's name flashes brightly in her vision and the content of it makes her rage. _Can't wait to see you tonight, I'll be wearing that-_ The message stops there but it doesn't take a village to figure out what the rest says.

She feels like she’s going to be sick but she swore she was done being guilty for something that’s out of her reach.

The weight of the new phone it’s huge (metaphorically speaking) when she remembers that she doesn't have the new number. Still she musters a fake smile and hands Lena's new phone back. Kara pulls out hers and shows Lena the message she got from their daughter. "Mom, you need to come here, hurry."

A small smile, creeps onto Lena's face and it's been more than she has ever given her after their divorce and Kara takes it in stride. She commits it to memory with the other memories she has of her smiling. "I think we've been played." Lena says.

An apology is in the tip of Kara's tongue before she realizes she's tired of blurting out apologies.

"I think so too." Kara's clipped response makes Lena go back to her usual stern and masked face, thinking that maybe engaging with her ex-wife was a bad idea.

"So what now?" While this is the longest they’ve interacted since Lena handed Kara the divorce papers, Kara wants to keep it rolling.

"We're already here maybe we could..." Kara trails off, but her offer is there. Lena seems surprised by the offer but nevertheless doesn't show how much this little peace offering means to her state of mind since it looks like she wanted to ask something to that extent as well.

"We could." It's not a yes or a no, but knowing Lena, Kara still likes to believe she does, knows that Lena wants it too.

It’s all in her eyes.

And of course the telling way she angles her body towards the restaurant instead of the direction of her car. Kara, the still gentlewoman she is, opens the door for Lena and motions her forward. Lena still blushes and resists the urge to touch her arm in thanks, just like she used to, but she still gives Kara a thankful smile.

A familiar waiter immediately approaches them with a big fake smile on his face once he sees them in the foyer of the expensive restaurant. "Hey, it's been a while since you've been here." He says while he picks up two menus from nearby and leads them to their special table.

"Another anniversary I presume?" He mentions casually and immediately feels bad when he sees both of them freeze as if that just caught them off guard. Kara at least fakes a smile and shakes her head to which the waiter has the sense not to say anything else about it, but Lena is still frozen and gripping her phone like it's the only lifeline she has not to crumble or go off on the poor man.

Kara takes a seat first and clears her throat for Lena to hear her and do the same, barely managing a fake smile towards their server and Kara. Kara exhales when Lena is back to herself and takes a seat at the opposite side of the table instead of her side like she used to. _Used_ to. Used to seems to be a common word and thought for them. The seating space equals the emotional one they're going through.

They're left alone to ponder on their options, and it's nothing more than a ruse (the thought process of what they want to eat) just to cover up the uncomfortable silence that descended upon them. They know what they want, to eat at least, and if their marriage would've been like that, they would've been fine.

Still, Kara pretends to search for something that will not compare with her usual chicken Parmesan while Lena watches her carefully.

"Are you ready to order?" The same waiter comes back, and they have to give it to him, if they were in his place they would've changed tables but he's there and his persistent smile sits well with them. He looks like he knows something they're not privy to, even if it involves them, ok so he doesn’t give a good vibe, at least for Lena he doesn’t, Kara on the other hand is unperturbed about him.

"I think we will have our usual." Lena glances up to the man taking the orders while she says it, not even sparing a glance to the pouty blonde. "Thanks."

"Okay, coming right up." Their server nods and leaves the table the same way he came in.

There’s silence until Kara’s accusations ring through. "You didn't have to do that."

Lena raises a perfect sculptured eyebrow in question. "That..." Kara signals with her head to the kitchen door, "order for me."

"But you always have the same." Lena says in defense, having known Kara’s preference for about 20 years.

"Do you remember what is my usual or you just wanted to get this over quickly as possible?" Kara for some reason snaps. Somehow it’s not sitting well with her how much Lena can still read her while she can’t.

"I'm sorry, do you want something else?" The way Lena says it, has Kara daydreaming of the way 'sorry' sounds so good coming from Lena rather than her. But deep down Kara knows she's somehow mocking her.

"No." Kara mumbles, and for the first time in six months she hears Lena's laugh. She stores that laugh too along with the early sincere smile.

"You haven't changed." Lena says lightly, not in a mean way but somehow, because of everything that happened, it comes out that way and they both still.

"I-I have." Kara states. Her voice breaking, trying to get across that she has changed, and maybe, just maybe they could see where it will go.

 _Meaning_ if they could try again.

"I didn't mean it-" Lena begins to say but the weight of Kara's hand at the top of Lena’s, stops her. "I know."

Touching Lena burns, in the most pleasant way, Lena can't help but twitch beneath her hand so Kara immediately retracts back with a formed apology in her mouth before Lena's the one to stop her.

"It's okay Kara."

Just then the perky waiter comes with their designated dishes and they start to eat, as soon as possible, not wanting to waste any more minutes of idle chit chat. With food in their mouths they can't mess it up, so lunch is a silent affair. Just hums of pleasure here and there and of course small talk, something they'd perfected it at the end of their marriage.

"That was so good." Kara smiles into her last bite and swallows it with her white wine. Lena is finishing her own wine when a small smile and nod comes her way. "It's been so long since I had this."

Lena can't shake her surprise so Kara asks her what's wrong. "I thought you came here often."

"No, I-" Kara doesn't continue but Lena urges her on with a single smile.

"I thought since this is your favorite restaurant I wasn't welcomed here." That makes Lena frown and Kara is already spiraling into the ‘Lena mode’ where she thinks every little thing her ex-wife does is cute.

"This is your favorite too."

"I know, it's just-" She just needed to be brave for once. "I didn't want to come here and see you." It's not going well. "I mean, see you with someone." She doesn't say her but it's implied.

Lena seems…not surprised to hear that Kara knows at least in some degree about Imra. But she should have figured it out since they still have their kids and their unstoppable mouth, so maybe one of them blabbed about the new fixture in her life –which of course they did-.

"Oh." Lena simply responds. What else could she say? Maybe she should apologize to Kara for finding someone so soon whilst Kara can’t do anything but think about her ex-wife. Maybe that would help Kara move on too, or so Kara thinks.

"I would never do that." It's too late to take it back when Lena realizes what she has said or didn't deny at all.

Kara gulps and her hand is halfway to her glass of wine when she notices it's empty, so her glass can't hide her change in mood. She tries to take the high road by asking how things are going.

Kara always took the high road. "How- how are things with..."

"Imra?" The name bounces in every wall of Kara's broken heart. It doesn’t sound great and it doesn’t sound like the way Lena would say _her_ name.

Kara nods.

"She's-"

"Sorry ladies, the two little rascals over there," The server points towards the back where their two giggling kids try to hide behind a smug Alex. "Send you this dessert." She puts the lava cake between them.

"Thank you." They both thank the retreating waiter before shooting disapproving glances over the table of three. When they entered the restaurant they both spotted them right away but they pretended they didn’t saw them until then, for their sake and the kids. So neither for some reason or another didn't want to burst their little bubble they created and to be honest it was the first time they talked and kept things civilized after everything went down so they put everything in their ‘disapproving moms faces’.

"I don't know who they got their wits from." Lena jokes, forgetting now, the other topic and finally showing some warmth to their exchange.

"If there's cake involved, me." Kara proclaims, soliciting a laugh from her ex-wife. The kind of genuine laugh that makes all of her body tingly. It's been a while since she has heard that and you bet your sweet ass that she stored that memory too.

"I believe you." Lena shares the sneaky grin while having her own bite of the cake. Her true sweet teeth nature coming through.

"So how are the kids behaving with you?" Kara wonders while taking a bite of the dessert.

"They're remarkably well-behaved." Lena says immediately but when she sees Kara's look of 'seriously?' she sighs. "Fine, they're acting up. Lara screamed at me the other day and she broke one of Liam’s Xbox controllers." Lena sighs again, like it's the only sound she can muster when talking about that certain topic.

Kara sees that Lena wants to know the same so she replies before she can ask. "Liam doesn't talk to me anymore. Just grunts and the occasionally sigh and that smile was the first one in a long time." She's referring to the one he offered to both of them while he was hiding away from their glares.

"Lara wakes up screaming most days so that's why she wants to stay with you, because she doesn't like her new bed." The bed is almost identical to the one she has at home, back at 'Kara’s'. It’s just like the one that she grew up to with but still she doesn't sleep well and ergo she wakes Lena up most nights.

"Liam sneaked out the other day, I followed him to see where he was going and he went to Alex's house." Kara was mad but not that mad after finding he was safe in her sister’s house. 

"Lara refuses to eat what I prepare, so most days we end up ordering take out or sometimes they just end up calling Ruby so that she buys them food." Lena tried and still is but Lara is so stubborn just like her and that tends to be a war zone every time the two brunettes go off.

"Liam got detention for two weeks for swearing at Rhea the other day, and he has been skipping detention as well." She omits the part that she congratulated him and has been helping him escape detention, just as Lena doesn’t mention the fact that she encouraged Liam to speak his mind against Rhea.

"Lara bit me." Lena chuckles but Kara full out laughs and Lena follows.

"No, she didn't." Kara says between huffs of laughter.

"Yeah, she did." She puts her fork down to show off the mark that the little throwing fit made and Kara snorts while grabbing her arm to see it more closely, but she immediately releases when her touch becomes hot.

Comparing how your kid misbehaves it’s not something they should laugh about but somehow it was cathartic. Their laughter dies down and it opens up a new wave of regret and sentimentalism when they’re forced to realize the situation they’re in.

"Do you still think we're doing a good job?" Kara asks.

"We're trying, that's what matters." Lena says honestly and Kara believes her. "Yeah."

At the same time they both reach to take one last bite of the cake when they realize it's empty with their glasses of wine and the bottle as well and that they spent more time talking that they didn't really noticed the time and how they're the last patrons of lunch left there.

"I-"

"I'm-"

They talk at the same time and it's so noticeable the turn up of their mouths. Neither of them knows how to proceed until they both at the same time see their server near them and ask for the check at the same time pulling out similar awkward laughs from them.

The waiter bounces off on her feet towards them without the check. (Both Lena and Kara know it's a tattletale sign of his suspicious behavior).

"Ladies, the kids already paid your meal so don't worry. Hope you had a great day."

"Did they actually?" Lena wonders out loud and Kara has the urge to wipe her worries away with a kiss but instead she shakes her head and stands up. She offers Lena her hand for her to do stand up as well and to take them to their kids so when she takes it, they both refrain from shivering or saying something, because the spark, the warmth, the longing, home is still there in their hands.

When Kara realizes what's amiss in the other side of the restaurant she lets go of her with a mischievous face.  Kara misses the warmth instantly but refrains to ruin what was one of the most pleasant lunches she's had so far.

Lena looks the same.

They stand outside the restaurant both not knowing how to say goodbye when they still want to spend more time together.

"I think-"

"We should-"

"You go first," Kara says quickly, before Lena can say otherwise.

"I think we should do this next week, if you want." That doesn't surprise Kara since she was about to offer that, what does is Lena's honest and raw expression of longing, of guilt, of hope. The brunette is fidgeting with her watch, instead of her ring like she used to but Kara could see that she's sincerely waiting for an opportunity, and this is her second chance.

Kara doesn't realize she hasn't say anything at all for a while and she's probably gaping at Lena.

"I mean, if you want and have time. We both established that we want to come here but we can't if it's not with each other so-"

"I was going to ask you that." Kara cuts her rambling.

"Really?" Lena looks surprised and it warms her heart to know that she still got some effect on her ex-wife.

"Yes, Lena."

"So same time next week?"

"It's a date!" Kara blurts out, like she forgot who she's talking to. Or deep down she likes to suffer and the pain.

Lena gives her a tiny nod paired with a small smile that has Kara week in the knees, and the little grab of her upper arm almost renders her incapable of walking but not of speech so she just utters a 'bye'.

"Goodbye, Kara."

* * *

"Your wife is already at the table." A different perky waiter points towards the drop dead gorgeous blonde, whose fighting a relieved smile when she spots her. Kara waves hello, so Lena doesn't bother to correct the host but she does give her a scrunch of her nose to display what she thinks of her error and goes directly to her ex-wife. When she's near, she can see Kara is wearing a summer white dress, one that she hasn't seen in a while, maybe because it's new or maybe because it's been so long since she's seen her out of her usual ‘reporter clothes’ (a term Kara dubbed for her clothes) that make her almost speechless.

Ok it did render her speechless.  

Kara debates on how to greet Lena but Lena is way ahead of her and grabs her upper arm and squeezes it lightly in greeting just like she did last week as a goodbye and it seems Kara is glad to at least have that.

"Hey."

"You're early." Lena if anything is consistent and doesn't like surprises. Kara is inconsistent and loves to give surprises. So Kara being early is one hell of a surprise.  

"And you're late." She's not, Lena's ten minutes early to their designated hour. But still Kara likes to tease her.

"How long have you been here?" Lena regards Kara whose smile hasn't worn off since the moment she sat down.

"Long enough to have ordered wine and our meals." Kara points towards the wine and pours a glass over hers.

"What if I wanted something else?" Lena asks, wanting to put the blonde in a similar position she was in last week.

"Did you?" Kara raises her eyebrow the same way Lena did the week before and it’s such a contrast from last week that they both love every second of it.

"No, but that's beside the point." Lena rolls her eyes which gets a smug grin from Kara. "Why are you here early?"

"Why are you so late?"

"Is this how we're going to communicate?" Lena's answer gets a laugh from Kara. It’s been so long since she has heard Kara laugh. It’s a good sound. "You started it."

Lena rolls her eyes and Kara must commit that to memory along with the other eye rolls that she gave her since they were together. "That's not an answer."

"It’s an answer but not the one you wanted." Kara smug comeback makes Lena groan. And they sound even more like children when they start to bicker.

"At least we're talking."

"And not screaming."

"And now you're going to eat." Mike puts the plates between them, choosing to interrupt the little banter of the couple.

"Thank you." They both say at the same time.

"How long have you been married? Couples who bicker like you are a rarity to see." He intends well, or so Lena thinks but something doesn’t sit right with her and she can’t help but give him a disapproving glance, after all it set them off towards an uncomfortable territory.

Of course it was too good to be true.

"Actually we're not together anymore." Kara makes it sound so final. The way she says it, it's effortlessly and easy and simple. And Lena can't run out of words describing the simplicity of the situation Kara explains they're in.

Her mouth is in a straight line.

"Oh! Hmm well that's a-it's a- you- Either way enjoy your meal." For the first time since they've known the server he's almost speechless, flustered and hopeful.

Hopeful for what? Lena thinks it has to do with her ex-wife.

She doesn't like that.

"Thank you." Kara waves him off and finally looks up at her. She knows she's talking but Lena's not hearing it, she only hears 'we're not together anymore' over and over in her head. It's only when a warm hand on top of hers takes her out of her stupor, she looks up.

"What?" Lena snaps and Kara retreats her hand as if her touch burnt her.

"I asked if everything was okay?"

Lena nods stiffly. "Yes, it's just work." She says offhandedly. She always forgets, Kara knows her, or hopes Kara does when Lena shakes her head as if it wasn’t important but Kara still looks at her like she wants to know. "Want to try again?"

"It really is about work." Her tone leaves no discussion and Kara knows not to push it further.

"That's fair. I lost all rights to know." Kara says dejectedly and Lena feels bad for her. It wasn’t Kara’s fault, it was hers.

"The board wants me to open up another headquarter in Gotham." Lena announces quickly that Kara almost doesn’t hear it.

"Wow that’s…you always wanted to go to Gotham." Kara exclaims but refrains to say anything more by the look of Lena’s face.

"It means I have to go back and forward, traveling a lot and it means less time at home." Lena says and now Kara gets the reason behind the gloomy face. "And you don't want to become like me."

"I didn't say that." Lena defends herself.

"But it was implied."

"I just don't want it to take my time away from them." She gets where her worries come from. She knows Lena doesn’t want to make things harder for them and their situation and especially for their kids.

"Want to know why you won't fail?" Lena nods, because she really wants to know.

"Because I didn't realize I was leaving my family as a second choice. I didn't know I put my work above anything else and you." Kara takes her hand. "The fact that you're even considering it is because you want to do better, you put our kids above everything else and that's the most important thing." Lena avoids looking at Kara so that she doesn't see the few tears that have fallen. She doesn’t want her to see her cry.  

"So you think I should do it?" Her small voice still gives her away.

The hand in hers tightens. "If that’s what you want? We could always, I mean the kids could go with you from time to time I won’t even fight you for that."

"Thank you."

* * *

 

"So what happened?" Lena asks, but Kara chooses to avoid looking at her and instead plays with her food.

It's been a month since they started seeing each other weekly. They didn't limit it to lunch so they changed it every few weeks to dinner or breakfast.

"You should try this. I don't know why it took me this long to get something new." Kara says while stabbing her fish repeatedly. "It has to do with turning a new leaf type of thing."

"Kara why won't you tell me?" The way she says it, like she's worried, like she cares makes Kara pull down the fork and stare at her.

"He blamed me."

Lena doesn't have to ask who _he_ is to know that it’s Liam, Kara's talking about. "He blamed me and I didn't stop him."

"He knows I asked you to sign the papers." The day she signed them, the day Lena handed the divorce papers at her office it's a day she can't forget. So she knows pretty well who gave up first.

"He said you were spending more time at work and he blamed me for that as well." Lena looks guilty for a while but Kara remembers how Lena was the one to get blamed for Kara staying late at work, when they started to fall apart. Now, maybe Kara could share a couple of nights blaming herself for a change about that.

Lena still finds it in herself that she can’t let her take all the blame. "I told him it was just for a couple of weeks until I find a good COO and a CTO."

"I know and he told me that but still he blamed me and I don't know what to do."

Lena sees real desperation in her ex-wife’s eyes and it doesn’t sit well with her. Lena can see the bags under her eyes, the constant frown on her face and the little pout that she can help but miss to erase. "I can talk to him."

"And what?" Kara snaps and Lena levels her with a glare, for raising her voice. "It's my fault we got divorced."

"It was mine too." Lena admits and something changes in Kara.

Sharing blame is most healing that she ever thought possible.

* * *

 

"He talked to me!" Kara exclaims into the hug (a new occurrence in their weekly thing that disarms both of them every time it happens, but they wouldn't change it for anything), a hug that can pass for anything rather than friendly.

Lena's smile stretches into blonde hair. "I know he told me."

"Thank you." Kara looks at her with gratitude and the spark that once got her in trouble. She remembers that one time Kara had wanted to show her how thankful she was at a benefit gala so she did and they got caught. Fortunately for patrons only, and unfortunately for Lena, Kara only hugs her one more time before releasing her to her own chair.

"I also have to thank you for what you did with Lara."

"I thought you had too much on your plate right now, so I wanted to help." Kara shrugs like it was nothing. Like she didn't bribe her child with a promise to go with her two or three times this month to the zoo, just so she would eat whatever Lena did for her when she was at her house.

Considering how Lena cooks, she got off easy.

"It really did, Imra was taking it a little bit personal." Lena remarks offhandedly and if Kara would've known it was Imra’s food she wouldn't have done that. She feels betrayed and angry at the brunette for that reason. "Oh so it was her food then?"

Lena seems to be like a deer in headlights with her fork midway to her mouth and then back to the plate. "Did I not mention that?"

"I believed your words were my food." Kara says it playfully but it lacks the real playfulness behind it, Lena can tell.

She has to do damage control before they’re back to square one. And they were doing so well. "Well if it counts, she did refuse to eat that one time I tried to make chicken nuggets."

Kara can see her effort and can see she truly is sorry so she lets it pass, this one time. Not to say that when she gets home she will take her kid to the freaking zoo and tell her that it’s ok if she doesn’t want to eat Imra’s food. Yeah, she’s that petty. I mean, who could blame her.

"That's because nothing compares to my chicken nuggets." Kara giggles and full out laughs when Lena inadvertently looks down towards her cleavage and blushes at being caught.

Lena covers her red cheeks with her hands, but laughs nonetheless. "That was so bad Kara."

Kara can’t help but gloat about that. "It made you look."

"Be quiet." Lena rolls her eyes and Kara keeps on mocking her.

That is until their dinner comes with a blushing and bumbling Mike. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Kara gives him a warm smile that doesn't sit well with Lena but she diminishes it with a fair amount of whiskey (a fairly new development as well) while Kara keeps on talking for a little bit to Mike.

"I think we're good thanks." Lena snaps at the two flirting idiots. Mike gives her a curt nod before he goes away while Kara gives her a reproaching look. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Lena asks in return, trying to downsize her knowledge.

“Nothing.” Kara still regards her avoiding eyes but she knows that Lena is jealous. And she for once wants her to feel what she feels about Imra. And speaking of…"So, how are things with Imra?"

Lena has to swallow down the last remains of her whiskey to talk about that, to talk about her.

"They're going." Lena says ominously and it doesn’t sound like it was good, so Kara has to know. "Are you happy?"

"Does it matter?" It does matter. That’s what Kara wants the most. That’s why she signed the papers. Instead of saying all that, Kara just makes another good point. "It does if it involves a good environment for our kids to be in."

Lena understands that. That’s all she wants too but she hoped to hear that Kara in some way still cared about her too.

"I mean we're not there yet, we're not really together." Lena doesn't lie, but she doesn't offer the whole truth either. The truth being that she felt lonely and Imra was a good distraction and a good friend.

"But how about you? Are you seeing anyone?" Lena has to literally prepare herself mentally for the answer and physically as well when her grip on the table turns vicious.

"No." Kara is quick to respond and the sigh Lena lets out gives her away but Kara is too caught up in her reaction to say anything.

"I mean,” Lena clears her throat, “why don't you?"

"I don't know. I'm not ready I guess." The ‘ _I'm not ready to move on from you_ ’ is implied, or at least Kara hopes it comes out that way.

"I'm not really either." Lena says softly and Kara misses it when there’s ruckus in the kitchen and she can’t hear anything other what’s happening back doors.  

* * *

 

"Sorry, I was stuck in traffic." Lena takes a seat opposite to a blushing Kara. "Is everything okay?" Lena asks, worried that something happened, while Kara dreads the conversation. But the best way is to get it out of the way so she blurts out, "Mike just asked me out."

"He did?" Lena's surprise is expected. Kara only nods while she busiest herself with the menu, she doesn't dare to look up from it.

"What did you say?"

"I-"

"I think it would be great for you." Lena says before she can explain. Kara knows this is a way for her to be in control, like it was her idea in the first place to say yes so that way she doesn't hurt that much if her answer it's in fact yes.

"She said she would think about it." Mike says it with a pout when he appears out of nowhere. Kara blushes again, and it's kind of hard for Lena to keep still and keep on watching Kara act the way she did with her when they started dating.

"Are you ready to order? I think you should try the Falafel Kara. It's right what you were craving for the other day."

"Should I trust you?" Kara flirts back, trying to poke the bear.

"You know it." Mike says with a charming smile.

"Then, that's what I'm having. Thanks."

"What about you Ms. Luthor?" Mike turns to Lena but Lena is already grabbing her things.

"No, not yet."

She pretends to have received something on her phone and abruptly stands up, the chair scrapping against the floor loudly. "Sorry, I have this thing. I- I have to go now." She pulls out a couple of bills to cover up the wine that Kara has already ordered and poured.

"I'll take to you later Kara."

Kara sounds of protests are drowned out the moment she steps outside. She needed a breather; she needed to think about what was happening, she needed to see that Kara was already moving on.

She promised to talk to Kara but she doesn't.

* * *

 

"I don't think I'm going to make it Kara, I'm sorry." Lena's voice or well her tone is full of apologies but Kara doesn't believe her. It’s the third time she has canceled. She knows her rejection has to do with the fact that she thinks she went out with Mike.

"Does it have to do something with Imra?"

There’s mumbling on the other side of the phone and then she hears a sigh and shouts from an unknown girly voice hurrying Lena up. "She needed me. Are you there yet?"

Kara looks around the restaurant, the usual wine they order and the good news about Liam and his change of attitude is all she has with her.

"No, I was just about to call you to say that I was running late but I can turn back to the office."

"It's 9 pm." There’s judgement in her voice and Kara frowns at that. "I have a lot of reporting to do."

"Oh, so you didn't go out with Mike?"

"I never said yes."

"Oh!"

"But maybe you're right, I should've said yes. Maybe I can go to the restaurant right now and talk to Mike." Kara waits for Lena to say something but the line is silent and she can imagine Lena gripping the phone for the elaborated breath.

She doesn't know what drove her to do that, but she's tired of waiting and if this was any indication that maybe Lena was moving on then there was no reason for them to keep their weekly meetings as a disguise of getting along if the point wasn't to get back together.

"You know what? I will do that right now. I'll talk to you later." Kara hangs up before Lena can say anything else.

She picks up the bottle and pours it over her now empty glass before calling Mike over.

* * *

“Hey Kara, I was just calling to see if you’re on your way here.” _Here_ meaning the restaurant where Lena is already waiting.

She waited for ten minutes before she caved and called. The first call was on hold and then the second was screened. By the third one she decided to leave a message and that’s all she left.

Kara hasn’t called her since they got into their little argument.

It’s been two weeks, a couple of dates for Mike and Kara and a couple of missed diners that finally it got Lena to break first and ask her to dinner again.

There’s an incoming message from Kara and she curses her damn eagerness and her fast beating heart just seeing her name on the screen.

The text is simply but it makes more damage that her no-show. _Third date with Mike. Sorry. Maybe next time._

Lena feels bad, but not as bad when she sees Mike flirting with another girl two tables away.

* * *

"Hey Mike, I was just about to call you." Kara says and hopes Mike believes her. She was lying but he didn’t know her that well to know that.

"You're saying it because you picked up the call." There’s a sort of reproachful tone in his voice but Kara doesn’t mind that at all.

"No, I'm serious. I wanted to say thank you for the other day. I had a great time." She did end up having a great time but she kept comparing everything to what she had with Lena and that put everything into perspective.

"I'm not sure you mean it but that's not why I'm calling." Even if that sounded as a jest Kara still doesn’t take it too seriously. "No?"

"The reason why, is 5,5 tall, brunette with green eyes who is giving me her designed death glare and a Kara Danvers as her ex-wife almost passed drunk at the bar."

"Oh my god!"

"I thought you had your weekly meeting, where are you?"

"I canceled because-" Kara pauses because she can't say that Lena caught her in a lie. She told Lena she couldn't make it because she had another date with Mike, the third (even if it didn't pass the first one) that meant, what always the third one means.

She doesn't have to give her the same excuse or any to her new friend. "I'm leaving the office right now. Think you can control her for a few more minutes?" She’s rushing down towards the parking lot.

Thank god she finished her article already.

"I don't think I can, but I will tell M’gann to do so after all she was the one feeding Lena with drinks." Kara can hear M’gann laughing and the so familiar giggle of her ex-wife.

"Thank you, really. I owe you one."

"We'll see about that."

* * *

"Come on." Kara had to pull Lena towards the front door. she was solidly past her tipping point. Kara riffles through her purse to find Lena's missing keys, while Lena puts her hands on either side of her apartment door, trapping the blonde.

"Hi." She says as she looks up at her. The little height difference becomes more noticeable from where Lena stands without her heels on.

"You lied to me." Lena finally calls her up for her lie.

"Not about the first date though."

"Did he kiss you? Did you like it?" Lena says out of nowhere and Kara has the urge to laugh at her confused face and at the questions, so she does laugh.

"I won’t tell you."

"Why? Because I'm drunk?”

“Yep.”

“I am drunk."

"That would the understatement of the year." She says, helping her to stand fully on her own. "Lena where did you put your keys?"

"I don't know." Lena shrugs and fixes her stare on her lips. Kara craves to do the same but refrains. "Come on, you have to tell me." She picks up something solid from the bag, but Lena stops her from taking them out.

"You're still as beautiful as ever." Lena replies, like that was the answer Kara was hoping for, when she blushes Lena thinks it was. "I love your hair like this, curly." Lena makes it a point to play with a strand of hair.

"No-"

"I love you."

"What?"

"I'm still so in love with you, that it feels like I'm living a lie now."

Kara doesn't know what to say, so she says nothing.

"We should get out of here before-" Lena begins to say, sounding more sober than she was just moments ago, but just like that, a light is turned from the inside of the apartment, and is visible enough to swipe under their feet and they instantly hear rustling on the other side.

The door opens carefully, like it had mind of its own of the occupants on the other side, but it's Imra who heard them and it's opening the door and helping Kara with Lena.

"I thought I heard something." Imra fixes a rather nice stare at Kara but a more controlled one to Lena who's trying not to lean on Kara and stand on her own. Imra dons the robe on her body tightly and with a last disapproving glare at them, she opens the door more widely and helps Lena to get in.

"Kara, thank you for bringing her home." Kara refrains from saying ‘ _you're welcome or this is not her home or yours_ ’ for that matter. So she only says, "Of course."

"It's nice to finally meet you. I would've rather done this differently but here we are." Imra looks at her up and down and Kara can’t help but do the same.

"Here I am." There she was, wearing next to nothing glamorous, while Imra had lingerie that looked more expensive than her whole day to day work attire.

"Thank you for bringing her. I hope we could do this again." Imra’s clipped but sure sendoff makes her frown. Imra is already inside when Kara stops the closing door. "Wait," She puts a hand on the door before it shut close. Imra gives her a disapproving glare while Lena widens her eyes and looks more sober now.

"Lena, I just want to know what lie?" The three of them stay on stand still. They all know what is the real answer to that.

"The same one you've been telling yourself all this time."

The door slams shut and she stands there probably longer than appropriate but she can't shake what Lena just dropped on her.

* * *

 

"Hey!" Lena calls, but Kara doesn't stop moving towards her car. "Stop."

Kara pauses inches away from her car but doesn't turn around. "What are you doing Lena? Here? Seriously?" She finally looks back, but instead of watching Lena, she looks at their restaurant and the people who are inside it, especially one.

Lena stomps up the steps after her, lowering her voice. “It’s not what you think.”

“Tell me what am I thinking then?”

“We’re waiting for Sam and a couple of partners. She booked the table before I had the chance to change her mind.”

“I didn’t see other people.”

“Yeah, because you were too busy with Mike.”

They are way too close when Kara finally looks at her with disbelief in her eyes. "Don't you dare try to pin this on me. He has nothing to do with this."

"Nothing to do with this? Are you trying to make me feel the guilty one when you're doing god knows what in-everywhere?"

"I'm not trying to make you feel anything. You on the other hand did that on purpose." Kara seems to notice how close they are standing so she steps back until her back is against the car.

Lena follows her step and again they’re standing close.

"I want to know why."

"You know why."

"Please don't lie to me."

Lena’s jaw twitches, "I don't lie and you know it."

Kara wraps an arm around her own waist. "You lied when you said you were living a lie." Because if she really thought that then she wouldn't keep living like that, living a lie. She would have been with Kara, chose her. Kara thinks for a second that Lena’s going to argue. Tell her all the reasons she was wrong, all the ways she didn't understand.

Instead, she turns away, ashamed of her own actions. “I’m sorry.”

Kara then felt it, the feeling that there was something worth holding on to, and she was losing it.

Again.

"Lena, get her out of there."

"Kara."

"Don't, Lena." She gestured towards the restaurant.

"I can't."

"Look let's make this easy. You asked me to leave you alone, and now I'm asking you to do the same. It's what we both want, right? What you wanted from the start." Kara for the first time chooses herself.

Just as Lena chooses her.

"Kara, please." Lena doesn't beg, but she does now. "You don't understand."

"Then make me understand." Kara pleads, the same way Lena did moments ago. Lena resolve almost breaks but she has to do this first. "I will, but not today."

Kara tries not to let it hurt her much but it does. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Kara, just-"

"What Lena?"

"It's complicated."

"I've heard that before." She sighs, showing her defeat. "You know what Lena. Go, we'll talk later."

"Promise?"

"Just go."

And there goes another promise not being kept.

* * *

They don’t talk, at all.

She hears from Lara that Imra is no longer with her mom. That they ended things a while back, and that’s because Kara asked.

It’s always because Kara asked.

Liam blames her again for his mother sadness.

This time Kara didn’t ask for any of it.

She waits and waits and she doesn’t understand until one day she does.

* * *

"What is this?" Kara picks up the manila folder off her desk and stares at Lena who doesn't say what is, just urges her own to open it.

Kara does, she sees the 'Divorce papers' staring back at her and she throws it back to Lena. Not minding how they scattered on the floor. "Are you fucking serious?" She rages on, stands up and tries to go to the door before Lena steps between. "Lena get out."

"Kara listen-"

"You're so unbelievable, isn't it enough that I signed it the first time and now you want to do it again?" It’s like she loves watching her break and break again.

"Can you take a look at them?" Lena pleads, grabbing the papers from the floor.

"I'm not a lawyer." Kara huffs and Lena groans in frustration. "Just." She waves the papers against her face. Kara takes them back and scans the paper, the same one she signed a year ago.

"It's the same." She says after scanning quickly the document, all the legal jargon making her head pound harder, adding more pressure to what she had after for almost being awake for 24 hours, everything is there, just like last time.

"Look closer," Lena encourages her, but when she sees the defeat in the blonde's eyes she takes it upon herself to show her. "Look at the signatures."

"Is this a sick jo-" Kara looks at the empty space above Lena's name. "You haven't signed it?"

Her heart now pounds faster and harder for a different reason.

"Why haven't you? So we're still? Lena what does this mean?"

"It means that I'm so stupid to let you go. That I love how stupid I am to not notice I haven't signed it. I don't want to sign, I don't want to be apart from you ever again."

"Lena."

"No Kara, please let me say it." after Kara's nod she does, "I love you, I should've fought for you. I should've been there too. A part of me always knew I didn't sign them. Part of me always hoped that I didn't. I was so lost and so angry for giving you up, for giving up our family that I couldn’t even look at them."

"It wasn't only you."

"No, I know. We both checked out of this for a period but now, now we know that if we want we can."

"Are you sure? Because I don't want to wake up one morning to see all of your things gone just like last time."

"This time I'll be there the same way I hope you do too."

"That's all I've ever wanted Lena. I never stop loving you, I never stop missing you, I never stop believing in us."

"I love you."

"I love you."

Lena finally kisses her, and she kisses her hard and unrelenting, pulling Kara so tightly against herself that she's practically pushing Kara against the desk.

Being kissed by Lena leaves her bereft of any ability but to respond in kind. She reciprocates, arms going around Lena and fingers clutching at the back of her shirt.

Kara's kisses are demanding like Lena expected them to be, they did waste 6 months of it. Every time they break apart for air, Kara is chasing her again, pressing her eager lips against Lena's soft, wonderful mouth.

"Promise me Lena."

"I promise."

"I do too."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

They try, they really do. This time it goes as expected.

They learnt from their mistakes, they learn from the new ones but they keep on fighting.

They learn about the ups and downs but they keep on believing that they could overcome them together, and they do.

They learn to love each other again, unbidden of the past, hopeful for the future and living the moment, not living a lie.

That’s how they make it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts are appreciated!


End file.
